Thoraiya DyerBeauty of Maths, Part 2: Funeral Insurance Cover
April 20th 2008 23:36
Part 2 of The Beauty Of Maths aims to uncover whether dying without funeral insurance is really something that should trouble us in the middle of the night.
Item:
Junk mail and TV ads from Real Insurance bombard us with slogans such as “Leave your family with fond memories, not unpaid bills!”
“At a time when they are already struggling to come to terms with loss, the last thing they want to be worried about is where to find the cash to pay for your funeral.”
And, my favourite one:
“With a Real Final Expenses Plan in place, you can rest assured” – ha HA haha – “that if you were to suddenly die, your chosen benefit would be paid to your loved ones to help them with your funeral and other unexpected costs.”
What the TV Ads depict:
TV ads feature serious, threatening voice-overs that suggest anyone who dies without funeral insurance is going to hell, hell, hell.
What it actually offers:
For $2.45 per week, a person between 18 and 44 years old can get a benefit of $5000 to help with their funeral when they die.
Costs of a funeral:
The brochure claims that “based on average costs in the market, it could easily add up to $15 000”.
Is that right?
It’s a bit difficult to find out, as Funeral Directors seem to be a little bit shy about putting prices on their otherwise comprehensive web sites. White Lady Funerals and Simplicity Funerals both have an identical section under “All You Need To Know About Funerals” called “The Matter Of Cost”, which shows the breakdown of the expenses but no actual numbers.
That’s not All I Needed To Know, then is it???
Waverly Cemetery, which overlooks the ocean in Sydney and contains the mortal remains of people like Henry Lawson and Dorothea Mackellar, is a bit more forthcoming:
“Plot prices start at $7000 with provision for up to three burials and a minimum purchase period of 25 years. People regularly purchase plots for 50 or 100 years. Cremation memorials cost $2750 for a garden setting with room for two sets of ashes.”
Also not shy to quote numbers are the people at No Funeral No Flowers No Fuss ( www.nonono.com.au ) which offers a No Fuss Cremation for $2600, and a No Fuss Funeral for the same price plus cemetery fees.
According to the Combined Pensioners and Superannuants Association of NSW:
“Average prices often quoted begin from $5000, however a “no-frills” cremation can cost as little as $2600. Burials are more expensive.”
So, I guess if you want to be buried at Waverly, you’ll need a little more saved up (though it’s much cheaper than a one-bedroom apartment at beautiful Bronte, weighing in at about $400 000 – see domain.com.au ).
Personally, I’ll take the No Fuss Cremation. I want my charred remains tossed illegally off the top of a cliff somewhere, and anyone who cares can come and watch (are you crying because you’ll miss me, or are those my ashes in your eyes?)
Life expectancy:
Back to the Australian Bureau of Statistics for this one.
In 2005, the male life expectancy was 78.5 years while the female life expectancy was 83.3 years (this discrepancy, once in favour of men due to women being killed in childbirth, is now reversed due to advances in medicine and the unavoidable toxic effects of testosterone…but we wouldn’t have them any other way, would we, girls?)
Anyway. Taking the overall average of 80.9 years, we see that an 18-year old has 62.9 years in which to save for his or her funeral. A 44 year old, on the other hand, only has 36.9 years to go.
Outcome:
I don’t need any super duper calculators to work this one out. An 18 year old paying $2.45 per week for 62.9 years is going to shell out $8013.46 in total, which is probably more than is needed, and undoubtedly better spent in one of the savings accounts mentioned in The Beauty of Maths, Part 1. Set up an automatic payment – and then forget about it until you die.
Said 18 year old could even stash it in their guinea pig cage and still be better off than the $5000 benefit advertised.
The 44 year old, on the other hand, over 36.9 years, will have arrived at the tidy sum of $4701 by the time departure from this mortal coil becomes likely.
No WONDER insurance companies can afford to offer us such a great deal! I am totally blown away by their generosity and thoughtfulness!
Next time they send you a brochure with a postage-paid, free reply envelope, make sure you stuff it with fluff from your navel and send it back.
That’s as much of my mortal coil – and my mortal earnings - as they’re ever going to get their hands on.
Item:
Junk mail and TV ads from Real Insurance bombard us with slogans such as “Leave your family with fond memories, not unpaid bills!”
“At a time when they are already struggling to come to terms with loss, the last thing they want to be worried about is where to find the cash to pay for your funeral.”
And, my favourite one:
“With a Real Final Expenses Plan in place, you can rest assured” – ha HA haha – “that if you were to suddenly die, your chosen benefit would be paid to your loved ones to help them with your funeral and other unexpected costs.”
What the TV Ads depict:
TV ads feature serious, threatening voice-overs that suggest anyone who dies without funeral insurance is going to hell, hell, hell.
What it actually offers:
For $2.45 per week, a person between 18 and 44 years old can get a benefit of $5000 to help with their funeral when they die.
Costs of a funeral:
The brochure claims that “based on average costs in the market, it could easily add up to $15 000”.
Is that right?
It’s a bit difficult to find out, as Funeral Directors seem to be a little bit shy about putting prices on their otherwise comprehensive web sites. White Lady Funerals and Simplicity Funerals both have an identical section under “All You Need To Know About Funerals” called “The Matter Of Cost”, which shows the breakdown of the expenses but no actual numbers.
That’s not All I Needed To Know, then is it???
Waverly Cemetery, which overlooks the ocean in Sydney and contains the mortal remains of people like Henry Lawson and Dorothea Mackellar, is a bit more forthcoming:
“Plot prices start at $7000 with provision for up to three burials and a minimum purchase period of 25 years. People regularly purchase plots for 50 or 100 years. Cremation memorials cost $2750 for a garden setting with room for two sets of ashes.”
Also not shy to quote numbers are the people at No Funeral No Flowers No Fuss ( www.nonono.com.au ) which offers a No Fuss Cremation for $2600, and a No Fuss Funeral for the same price plus cemetery fees.
According to the Combined Pensioners and Superannuants Association of NSW:
“Average prices often quoted begin from $5000, however a “no-frills” cremation can cost as little as $2600. Burials are more expensive.”
So, I guess if you want to be buried at Waverly, you’ll need a little more saved up (though it’s much cheaper than a one-bedroom apartment at beautiful Bronte, weighing in at about $400 000 – see domain.com.au ).
Personally, I’ll take the No Fuss Cremation. I want my charred remains tossed illegally off the top of a cliff somewhere, and anyone who cares can come and watch (are you crying because you’ll miss me, or are those my ashes in your eyes?)
Life expectancy:
Back to the Australian Bureau of Statistics for this one.
In 2005, the male life expectancy was 78.5 years while the female life expectancy was 83.3 years (this discrepancy, once in favour of men due to women being killed in childbirth, is now reversed due to advances in medicine and the unavoidable toxic effects of testosterone…but we wouldn’t have them any other way, would we, girls?)
Anyway. Taking the overall average of 80.9 years, we see that an 18-year old has 62.9 years in which to save for his or her funeral. A 44 year old, on the other hand, only has 36.9 years to go.
Outcome:
I don’t need any super duper calculators to work this one out. An 18 year old paying $2.45 per week for 62.9 years is going to shell out $8013.46 in total, which is probably more than is needed, and undoubtedly better spent in one of the savings accounts mentioned in The Beauty of Maths, Part 1. Set up an automatic payment – and then forget about it until you die.
Said 18 year old could even stash it in their guinea pig cage and still be better off than the $5000 benefit advertised.
The 44 year old, on the other hand, over 36.9 years, will have arrived at the tidy sum of $4701 by the time departure from this mortal coil becomes likely.
No WONDER insurance companies can afford to offer us such a great deal! I am totally blown away by their generosity and thoughtfulness!
Next time they send you a brochure with a postage-paid, free reply envelope, make sure you stuff it with fluff from your navel and send it back.
That’s as much of my mortal coil – and my mortal earnings - as they’re ever going to get their hands on.
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