Thoraiya DyerHot Rock Massage: An Alternative To Rolling In Bitumen (And Less Annoying To Council Workers)
May 26th 2008 23:48
Massage. A treat we can all enjoy every now and again. Hot stone massage? An enticing option for those who like to stay at five star resorts? Or a lazy way of not having to probe meaty, resisting muscles with tired fingers, but of letting the rocks do the work instead? With a bit of Bonus Bullshit on the side?
I don’t mind when Mel Massage (melmassage.com) says this about LaStone Therapy:
“Since the birth of time, many ancient cultures have used the healing power of stones for medicinal and spiritual purposes. In Bali it is believed that stones are filled with the vitality and energy of the water that flows over them in an eternal stream. Harnessing the properties of the stones, we bathe them in warm water, anoint them with the spicy, exotic aromas of the Orient, and place them on key energy points of your body, to balance the spirit.”
You want to believe that? I’m cool with it.
But when you say this:
“The physiological benefits of alternating hot and cold to the body have long been scientifically and medically proven. Basalt and marble stones are the medium and the hot and cold temperatures are the message. This "vascular gymnastics" of the circulatory system assists the body in self-healing.”
…I get irritated. Especially when they go on to talk about another “therapy” offered at Mel Massage in Sydney – one called “Reconnective Healing”:
“As a doctor, Eric ran a highly successful chiropractic practice for 12 years until one day when patients began reporting that they felt his hands on them—even though he hadn’t physically touched them. For the first couple of months his palms blistered and bled. Patients soon reported seeing angels and receiving miraculous Healings from cancers, AIDS-related diseases, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, birth disfigurements, cerebral palsy, and other serious afflictions. All this occurred when Eric simply held his hands near them. And to this day, it continues.”
How dare they put the words “scientifically and medically proven” anywhere NEAR the claim that a possessed chiropractor can heal cerebral palsy? It’s bad enough the hot rock camp have called themselves “LaStone” (there’s that terrible attempt at French to give the aura of authenticity, again), but by mixing the words “physiological”, “vascular” and “circulatory” in with complete lies about faith healings, Mel Massage is suddenly blog-worthy.
Let’s take a look at what really happens when you put hot and cold rocks on your skin.
In Merck’s “Biology of the Skin”, we find that:
“The sweat glands produce sweat in response to heat and stress. Sweat is composed of water, salt, and other chemicals. As sweat evaporates off the skin, it helps cool the body.”
“Heat makes the blood vessels enlarge (dilate), allowing large amounts of blood to circulate near the skin surface, where the heat can be released. Cold makes the blood vessels narrow (constrict), retaining the body's heat.”
So, as far as the skin goes, hot rocks have the power to make you sweat. Hot and cold rocks have the ability to make your blood vessels enlarge and constrict. Hot rocks increase the blood flow to an area. Cold rocks reduce it. This is the “vascular gymnastics” of which the “therapists” speak.
How does increasing and decreasing the blood flow help with “self-healing”?
Well, I suppose if you had a sprained ankle, you’d want to reduce the blood flow to it, to prevent it from swelling up too much. You’d use ice, wouldn’t you?
And if you had sore muscles from a workout, you might crawl into a hot bath, because the increased blood flow to the muscles would help relax muscle contractions and carry away any accumulated lactic acid.
But what about cancer, AIDS and birth disfigurements?
LaStonetherapy.com.au boasts on its front page:
“We offer more than another type of body massage it is A TOTAL THERAPY SYSTEM.”
Not just another type of massage? Really? Total therapy? Therapy for what?
Dr Eric seems to think he can work his miracles on anyone. What if I wanted to test hot rock “vascular gymnastic” healing powers on, say, land mine injuries?
Let me see, what does this child need?
This:
…OR this:
???
Such a difficult choice. And if he happened to visit the wrong Hot Rock Therapist in Iraq, he might end up with additional injuries, such as this one, sustained by a hot rock massage recipient on her honeymoon in Chile:
The LaStone website goes on to say:
“We are on the LEADING EDGE OF RESEARCH and development in thermotherapy.”
I expected more details to be provided. Not so. I was forced to discover for myself what the “leading edge of research and development in thermotherapy” really is.
The cutting edge in thermotherapy seems more closely related to using lasers to encourage regrowth of blood vessels in the eye, or using focused ultrasound to burn growths off the uterus. Nothing about hot rocks, I’m afraid.
So I have a special message for Mel Massage of Baulkham Hills, Sydney: You can slap scientific jargon all over your website, but that doesn’t make you any more authentic than a snowman made of frozen turds in a crisp Armani suit.
Why are so many day spas taking up hot rock therapy?
Let’s go back to the “lazy masseur” theory. According to the Australian LaStone site:
“This advancement in therapeutic massage is not only for the benefit of the client, but also the therapist as it helps against strain and injury to the wrists and thumbs (RSI), by preventing hyper flexion and hyperextension.
The stones and thermal variation do the heavy work for you as well as bring their energies into the treatment. Therapists discover that the stress and strain to their hands, wrists and arms are virtually eliminated by using our technique. They are able to work more efficiently for longer periods of time.”
Just as I thought. Charge more, do less. Why wouldn’t they take it up?
My advice is to save your cash for someone who is actually willing to knead your flesh. And don’t go anywhere that even offers Reconnective Healing. At least the big hotels are only after your money.
Mel Massage therapists, on the other hand, are trying to lull you into a false sense of security by pretending their therapies are scientific. They’re calling you a moran.
And nobody likes that.
I don’t mind when Mel Massage (melmassage.com) says this about LaStone Therapy:
“Since the birth of time, many ancient cultures have used the healing power of stones for medicinal and spiritual purposes. In Bali it is believed that stones are filled with the vitality and energy of the water that flows over them in an eternal stream. Harnessing the properties of the stones, we bathe them in warm water, anoint them with the spicy, exotic aromas of the Orient, and place them on key energy points of your body, to balance the spirit.”
You want to believe that? I’m cool with it.
But when you say this:
“The physiological benefits of alternating hot and cold to the body have long been scientifically and medically proven. Basalt and marble stones are the medium and the hot and cold temperatures are the message. This "vascular gymnastics" of the circulatory system assists the body in self-healing.”
…I get irritated. Especially when they go on to talk about another “therapy” offered at Mel Massage in Sydney – one called “Reconnective Healing”:
“As a doctor, Eric ran a highly successful chiropractic practice for 12 years until one day when patients began reporting that they felt his hands on them—even though he hadn’t physically touched them. For the first couple of months his palms blistered and bled. Patients soon reported seeing angels and receiving miraculous Healings from cancers, AIDS-related diseases, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, birth disfigurements, cerebral palsy, and other serious afflictions. All this occurred when Eric simply held his hands near them. And to this day, it continues.”
How dare they put the words “scientifically and medically proven” anywhere NEAR the claim that a possessed chiropractor can heal cerebral palsy? It’s bad enough the hot rock camp have called themselves “LaStone” (there’s that terrible attempt at French to give the aura of authenticity, again), but by mixing the words “physiological”, “vascular” and “circulatory” in with complete lies about faith healings, Mel Massage is suddenly blog-worthy.
Let’s take a look at what really happens when you put hot and cold rocks on your skin.
In Merck’s “Biology of the Skin”, we find that:
“The sweat glands produce sweat in response to heat and stress. Sweat is composed of water, salt, and other chemicals. As sweat evaporates off the skin, it helps cool the body.”
“Heat makes the blood vessels enlarge (dilate), allowing large amounts of blood to circulate near the skin surface, where the heat can be released. Cold makes the blood vessels narrow (constrict), retaining the body's heat.”
So, as far as the skin goes, hot rocks have the power to make you sweat. Hot and cold rocks have the ability to make your blood vessels enlarge and constrict. Hot rocks increase the blood flow to an area. Cold rocks reduce it. This is the “vascular gymnastics” of which the “therapists” speak.
How does increasing and decreasing the blood flow help with “self-healing”?
Well, I suppose if you had a sprained ankle, you’d want to reduce the blood flow to it, to prevent it from swelling up too much. You’d use ice, wouldn’t you?
And if you had sore muscles from a workout, you might crawl into a hot bath, because the increased blood flow to the muscles would help relax muscle contractions and carry away any accumulated lactic acid.
But what about cancer, AIDS and birth disfigurements?
LaStonetherapy.com.au boasts on its front page:
“We offer more than another type of body massage it is A TOTAL THERAPY SYSTEM.”
Not just another type of massage? Really? Total therapy? Therapy for what?
Dr Eric seems to think he can work his miracles on anyone. What if I wanted to test hot rock “vascular gymnastic” healing powers on, say, land mine injuries?
Let me see, what does this child need?
This:
…OR this:
???
Such a difficult choice. And if he happened to visit the wrong Hot Rock Therapist in Iraq, he might end up with additional injuries, such as this one, sustained by a hot rock massage recipient on her honeymoon in Chile:
The LaStone website goes on to say:
“We are on the LEADING EDGE OF RESEARCH and development in thermotherapy.”
I expected more details to be provided. Not so. I was forced to discover for myself what the “leading edge of research and development in thermotherapy” really is.
The cutting edge in thermotherapy seems more closely related to using lasers to encourage regrowth of blood vessels in the eye, or using focused ultrasound to burn growths off the uterus. Nothing about hot rocks, I’m afraid.
So I have a special message for Mel Massage of Baulkham Hills, Sydney: You can slap scientific jargon all over your website, but that doesn’t make you any more authentic than a snowman made of frozen turds in a crisp Armani suit.
Why are so many day spas taking up hot rock therapy?
Let’s go back to the “lazy masseur” theory. According to the Australian LaStone site:
“This advancement in therapeutic massage is not only for the benefit of the client, but also the therapist as it helps against strain and injury to the wrists and thumbs (RSI), by preventing hyper flexion and hyperextension.
The stones and thermal variation do the heavy work for you as well as bring their energies into the treatment. Therapists discover that the stress and strain to their hands, wrists and arms are virtually eliminated by using our technique. They are able to work more efficiently for longer periods of time.”
Just as I thought. Charge more, do less. Why wouldn’t they take it up?
My advice is to save your cash for someone who is actually willing to knead your flesh. And don’t go anywhere that even offers Reconnective Healing. At least the big hotels are only after your money.
Mel Massage therapists, on the other hand, are trying to lull you into a false sense of security by pretending their therapies are scientific. They’re calling you a moran.
And nobody likes that.
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Comment by Louie
Climate Red
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips
All in all it is one of thebest massage experiences I've had. I see your point that it in the wrong hands its a joke but done properly it is a truly amazing experience....
then again my massage WAS FREE
cheers
Louie
Comment by Thoraiya Dyer
Demented World
I'm very interested to hear that they don't just pop rocks on your skin and walk away. Now I feel much less annoyed by the whole concept. Even if I don't believe in chakras (or "energies" that can't be detected by any instruments known to man), I'm glad you enjoyed your massage. Keeping abreast of all the different ways we wreck the environment must take a toll...what an appropriate field for your sister to be in!