Thoraiya DyerSmell-Removers & the "Pregnant Man"
April 12th 2008 03:40
There’s something to be said for personal deodorant.
In our population-dense society, anti-perspirant is probably the only thing that keeps us from launching screaming verbal assaults on sweaty, summertime, suit-strangled businessmen in elevators and teenage netball teams crammed into the lunch line at Subway.
BUT, when it comes to your house, with the possible exception of disguising fart clouds in the Smallest Room, I’m sorry to say, if it STINKS, you have to CLEAN it.
I know, I know. What a revelation! Who would have thought you could live without budgie-killing, asthma-attack-inducing air fresheners?
The fact is, if your loungeroom carpet smells like a team of huskies has been moulting and chain smoking in there since white people arrived in Australia, you need to rip it out, not install a little plug-in that sprays perfume in the air every 18 minutes.
What really gets my goat are the ones that claim to “remove smells, not just cover them.”
Really? How does that happen?
Smells are gases or little particles floating around in the air that we must breathe in order to detect. You can’t smell cat pee without getting tiny bits of cat pee on the inside of your nostrils. You can’t smell baby vomit without getting tiny bits of baby vomit on your respiratory tract lining.
And you can’t get rid of cat pee or baby vomit smell by spraying something else into the air. The spray might alter the chemical structure of the stuff, so you can’t detect it any more, but unless you vacuum it up yourself, or filter the air, or burn the house down, it’s still there!
Please, I’m begging you. Don’t be deluded. Go for a bottle of Handy Andy. Not a bottle of Make Believe.
Speaking of being deluded, countless people have asked me this week: Is it really possible for a man to get pregnant?
They are referring, of course, to this hyped-up, pretend news story:
Really Long Link
Now, I respect Mr Beatie’s right to challenge society’s gender roles, have a sex change and become as masculine in behaviour and appearance as he wishes. However, the answer to the question is, “No.”
It is not possible for a man to get pregnant.
Biologically speaking – purely biologically speaking – Mr Beatie is female. He can behave in whatever way suits him, and I won’t deny his right to be called a man, but he has a uterus. To clinch the argument, each and every one of his cells has two X chromosomes in it.
Mr Beatie can’t change his DNA any more than I can.
It might be nice to make myself smarter or taller or give myself better eyesight, but it’s not possible. He is stuck with what he was born with, just like we all are.
So, the headlines should really read like this: A woman gets pregnant!!!
Maybe they didn’t think the ratings would be as good.
How this so-called news flash can get precedence over the elections in Zimbabwe and Nepal, I’m not sure, but I thought I’d mention it in an attempt to deflate the sensationalist balloon.
In our population-dense society, anti-perspirant is probably the only thing that keeps us from launching screaming verbal assaults on sweaty, summertime, suit-strangled businessmen in elevators and teenage netball teams crammed into the lunch line at Subway.
BUT, when it comes to your house, with the possible exception of disguising fart clouds in the Smallest Room, I’m sorry to say, if it STINKS, you have to CLEAN it.
I know, I know. What a revelation! Who would have thought you could live without budgie-killing, asthma-attack-inducing air fresheners?
The fact is, if your loungeroom carpet smells like a team of huskies has been moulting and chain smoking in there since white people arrived in Australia, you need to rip it out, not install a little plug-in that sprays perfume in the air every 18 minutes.
What really gets my goat are the ones that claim to “remove smells, not just cover them.”
Really? How does that happen?
Smells are gases or little particles floating around in the air that we must breathe in order to detect. You can’t smell cat pee without getting tiny bits of cat pee on the inside of your nostrils. You can’t smell baby vomit without getting tiny bits of baby vomit on your respiratory tract lining.
And you can’t get rid of cat pee or baby vomit smell by spraying something else into the air. The spray might alter the chemical structure of the stuff, so you can’t detect it any more, but unless you vacuum it up yourself, or filter the air, or burn the house down, it’s still there!
Please, I’m begging you. Don’t be deluded. Go for a bottle of Handy Andy. Not a bottle of Make Believe.
Speaking of being deluded, countless people have asked me this week: Is it really possible for a man to get pregnant?
They are referring, of course, to this hyped-up, pretend news story:
Really Long Link
Now, I respect Mr Beatie’s right to challenge society’s gender roles, have a sex change and become as masculine in behaviour and appearance as he wishes. However, the answer to the question is, “No.”
It is not possible for a man to get pregnant.
Biologically speaking – purely biologically speaking – Mr Beatie is female. He can behave in whatever way suits him, and I won’t deny his right to be called a man, but he has a uterus. To clinch the argument, each and every one of his cells has two X chromosomes in it.
Mr Beatie can’t change his DNA any more than I can.
It might be nice to make myself smarter or taller or give myself better eyesight, but it’s not possible. He is stuck with what he was born with, just like we all are.
So, the headlines should really read like this: A woman gets pregnant!!!
Maybe they didn’t think the ratings would be as good.
How this so-called news flash can get precedence over the elections in Zimbabwe and Nepal, I’m not sure, but I thought I’d mention it in an attempt to deflate the sensationalist balloon.
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