Thoraiya DyerThe Discovery of Boob Eze: Naked Women Accidentally Roll In Wild Yams?
June 2nd 2008 01:36
It’s on the radio. It’s on billboards. It’s on TV. The miracle of Boob Eze. How could we have possibly survived without it for all these years? Especially the men!
I mean, the cream is not for them, but I bet they can't wait for the day when someone discovers that dipping their nuts in coconut milk relieves the dire, emergency medical condition of Chafing of the Testicles after Inappropriate Bodyboarding.
Says the Boob Eze website (boobeze.com.au): “BoobEze® Monthly prides itself with its revolutionary ingredients and is well on its way to becoming the all time number one Australian personal requirement for all women.”
The product aims to bring relief to women who get sore breasts around the time of their period.
VHI Healthcare ( Really Long Link ) suggests that between 20 and 40 percent of women suffer from symptoms of PMS, with only 5 percent suffering severe PMS.
Sorry, Boob Eze. That goal of number one requirement for all women is never going to happen for you. You can’t flog off a product for sore breasts to women who don’t get sore breasts.
Unless you think they’re going to try it just for the kinky coolness of it. It’s supposed to be kept in the fridge, after all. Is it just the evaporating freshness of the gel that gives relief? Why do some women get sore breasts with PMS, anyway?
Advises Estronaut ( Really Long Link ), in response to a query about sore breasts,
“The goal of the menstrual cycle is to release an ovum or egg from your ovary. This requires hormonal stimulation. … you may have an extra amount of these hormones around pre-menstrually. The body is always trying to achieve what is called homeostasis. This means not too much or not too little of anything.
So your body will try to change all the extra female hormones into something else to lessen the excess. Your problem occurs because the female hormones are chemically very similar to other biochemical agents in your body that effect water regulation. The body lessens the amount of the excess female hormone by changing it into a substance that regulates water retention… A mild diuretic or "water pill" can be prescribed by your doctor. Common ones are called Spironolactone and bromocriptine.
Don't try over-the-counter water pills, these usually have caffeine which has an immediate effect of eliminating water, but then causes worse retention. Also the use of hormonal therapy (i.e. birth control pills) can give relief in resistant cases.”
But Boob Eze contains no diuretics, and no hormones such as progesterone which are clinically proven to reduce symptoms of PMS.
What it does contain is vastly more exciting “revolutionary” ingredients:
“… formulated with Wild Yam and Chaste Berry fruit extracts which calm and soothe breasts while also providing a cooling sensation on application.”
Wild Yam, eh?
How did they discover that wild yam was good for sore boobs?
“My friends and I were playing strip poker one night. By the time we were all bare-breasted, we had already started complaining about how sore we all were, and how the single thing we wished for most was a natural cure. Tandy and Candy suggested we go into the forest, where the natural coolness might offer us some relief.
When we got there, Randy tripped over and rolled in some Wild Yams which had been dug up and conveniently gored open by a passing boar.
She squealed in delight. “Everyone come and try this!”
So we did. We knew straight away that wild yams were set to become the number one Australian personal requirement for all women.”
Ahem. OK, so that’s not the real story (though my husband wishes it was).
More likely, as explained on Safe Alternative Medicine ( Really Long Link ), naturopaths discovered the following intriguing facts:
“The plant itself is devoid of oestrogen and progesterone, though until recently it was the principle raw material used in the manufacture of oral contraceptives.”
“It was in the 1930's that scientist, Dr. Russell E. Marker, developed a process for producing progesterone from the fats and oils of Wild Yam. The active constituents of Wild Yam are primarily steroidal saponins based on diosgenin.
The science starts with diosgenin and takes three steps to convert it to progesterone. Once the extract is converted it is an exact chemical match for the molecule that is produced by the ovaries.
Although diosgenin may be converted into progesterone in the laboratory, there are no enzymes in the human body, which can produce this transformation. Neither can ingestion or absorption of Wild Yam increase the body's natural production of progesterone.”
How TYPICAL of an industry obsessed with the potential dangers of chemical reactions. Progesterone, produced in a laboratory, must be avoided, but eating wild yams in an attempt to reap the benefits is entirely satisfactory.
Never mind that progesterone is produced by the human body. If Evil Conventional Medicine came up with it, it must be a Multinational Pharmaceutical Conspiracy!
Never mind that it can’t be converted and therefore doesn’t work. Let’s make lots of money from it anyway!
A September 2005 study from the Journal of Women’s Health entitled “Botanical and Dietary Supplements for Menopausal Symptoms: What Works, What Doesn’t”, by Stacie E. Geller and Laura Studee, combed the Medline database of published articles between 1966 and 2004.
What they found was that several “natural treatments,” including black cohosh and St John’s wort, actually DID relieve various mood disorders and menopause symptoms such as hot flushes.
Wild yam, unfortunately, did nothing. Of course, there will be plenty of people to contradict me, but I don’t want evidence based on what Shazza said over the back fence, I want this:
“We therefore conducted a double-blind, placebo-controlled, cross-over study of the effects of a wild yam cream in 23 healthy women suffering from troublesome symptoms of the menopause.
After a 4-week baseline period, each woman was given active cream and matching placebo for 3 months in random order.
Diaries were completed over the baseline period and for 1 week each month thereafter, and blood and saliva samples were collected at baseline and at 3 and 6 months, for measurement of lipids and hormones.”
Ironically, the work was done by an Australian team at the Baker Medical Research Institute in Victoria ( Really Long Link ), who found that:
“…short-term treatment with topical wild yam extract in women suffering from …symptoms is free of side-effects, but appears to have little effect on … symptoms.”
Well, it’s good to know the stuff doesn’t do any harm, right?
Just look out for boars in the forest at night.
I mean, the cream is not for them, but I bet they can't wait for the day when someone discovers that dipping their nuts in coconut milk relieves the dire, emergency medical condition of Chafing of the Testicles after Inappropriate Bodyboarding.
Says the Boob Eze website (boobeze.com.au): “BoobEze® Monthly prides itself with its revolutionary ingredients and is well on its way to becoming the all time number one Australian personal requirement for all women.”
The product aims to bring relief to women who get sore breasts around the time of their period.
VHI Healthcare ( Really Long Link ) suggests that between 20 and 40 percent of women suffer from symptoms of PMS, with only 5 percent suffering severe PMS.
Sorry, Boob Eze. That goal of number one requirement for all women is never going to happen for you. You can’t flog off a product for sore breasts to women who don’t get sore breasts.
Unless you think they’re going to try it just for the kinky coolness of it. It’s supposed to be kept in the fridge, after all. Is it just the evaporating freshness of the gel that gives relief? Why do some women get sore breasts with PMS, anyway?
Advises Estronaut ( Really Long Link ), in response to a query about sore breasts,
“The goal of the menstrual cycle is to release an ovum or egg from your ovary. This requires hormonal stimulation. … you may have an extra amount of these hormones around pre-menstrually. The body is always trying to achieve what is called homeostasis. This means not too much or not too little of anything.
So your body will try to change all the extra female hormones into something else to lessen the excess. Your problem occurs because the female hormones are chemically very similar to other biochemical agents in your body that effect water regulation. The body lessens the amount of the excess female hormone by changing it into a substance that regulates water retention… A mild diuretic or "water pill" can be prescribed by your doctor. Common ones are called Spironolactone and bromocriptine.
Don't try over-the-counter water pills, these usually have caffeine which has an immediate effect of eliminating water, but then causes worse retention. Also the use of hormonal therapy (i.e. birth control pills) can give relief in resistant cases.”
But Boob Eze contains no diuretics, and no hormones such as progesterone which are clinically proven to reduce symptoms of PMS.
What it does contain is vastly more exciting “revolutionary” ingredients:
“… formulated with Wild Yam and Chaste Berry fruit extracts which calm and soothe breasts while also providing a cooling sensation on application.”
Wild Yam, eh?
How did they discover that wild yam was good for sore boobs?
“My friends and I were playing strip poker one night. By the time we were all bare-breasted, we had already started complaining about how sore we all were, and how the single thing we wished for most was a natural cure. Tandy and Candy suggested we go into the forest, where the natural coolness might offer us some relief.
When we got there, Randy tripped over and rolled in some Wild Yams which had been dug up and conveniently gored open by a passing boar.
She squealed in delight. “Everyone come and try this!”
So we did. We knew straight away that wild yams were set to become the number one Australian personal requirement for all women.”
Ahem. OK, so that’s not the real story (though my husband wishes it was).
More likely, as explained on Safe Alternative Medicine ( Really Long Link ), naturopaths discovered the following intriguing facts:
“The plant itself is devoid of oestrogen and progesterone, though until recently it was the principle raw material used in the manufacture of oral contraceptives.”
“It was in the 1930's that scientist, Dr. Russell E. Marker, developed a process for producing progesterone from the fats and oils of Wild Yam. The active constituents of Wild Yam are primarily steroidal saponins based on diosgenin.
The science starts with diosgenin and takes three steps to convert it to progesterone. Once the extract is converted it is an exact chemical match for the molecule that is produced by the ovaries.
Although diosgenin may be converted into progesterone in the laboratory, there are no enzymes in the human body, which can produce this transformation. Neither can ingestion or absorption of Wild Yam increase the body's natural production of progesterone.”
How TYPICAL of an industry obsessed with the potential dangers of chemical reactions. Progesterone, produced in a laboratory, must be avoided, but eating wild yams in an attempt to reap the benefits is entirely satisfactory.
Never mind that progesterone is produced by the human body. If Evil Conventional Medicine came up with it, it must be a Multinational Pharmaceutical Conspiracy!
Never mind that it can’t be converted and therefore doesn’t work. Let’s make lots of money from it anyway!
A September 2005 study from the Journal of Women’s Health entitled “Botanical and Dietary Supplements for Menopausal Symptoms: What Works, What Doesn’t”, by Stacie E. Geller and Laura Studee, combed the Medline database of published articles between 1966 and 2004.
What they found was that several “natural treatments,” including black cohosh and St John’s wort, actually DID relieve various mood disorders and menopause symptoms such as hot flushes.
Wild yam, unfortunately, did nothing. Of course, there will be plenty of people to contradict me, but I don’t want evidence based on what Shazza said over the back fence, I want this:
“We therefore conducted a double-blind, placebo-controlled, cross-over study of the effects of a wild yam cream in 23 healthy women suffering from troublesome symptoms of the menopause.
After a 4-week baseline period, each woman was given active cream and matching placebo for 3 months in random order.
Diaries were completed over the baseline period and for 1 week each month thereafter, and blood and saliva samples were collected at baseline and at 3 and 6 months, for measurement of lipids and hormones.”
Ironically, the work was done by an Australian team at the Baker Medical Research Institute in Victoria ( Really Long Link ), who found that:
“…short-term treatment with topical wild yam extract in women suffering from …symptoms is free of side-effects, but appears to have little effect on … symptoms.”
Well, it’s good to know the stuff doesn’t do any harm, right?
Just look out for boars in the forest at night.
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