Thoraiya DyerWelcome to the Real World!!
November 17th 2006 10:24
What is wrong with learning French adverbs? Everything, of course, if you're not going to end up a linguist, a translator, or a United Nations ambassador. This excerpt is from a magazine I've read when...er...John Mayer was not yet famous. Believe me, I still don't understand some of them.
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
It is a painful course that you are about to take. The lessons come unannounced. But to aid you upon your entry into the Real World, a few of your predecessors have compiled sage advice. Heed the following words well, they will do you much good than all of those French adverbs:
In the real world,
1. Having a drink with the boys every night after work is a bad idea. Notice that the boss doesn't do it. That's why he's the BOSS and they're the BOYS.
2. Never play racquetball with an old guy who has played handball for 40 years. He will destroy you.
3. Buy an alarm clock that works.
4. They aren't kidding when they say "Wash whites separately."
5. Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess". Chances are she believes it.
6. Never date a man who still goes shopping with his mother.
7. HEAT INCLUDED does not mean HEAT GUARANTEED.
8. Life insurance is best for married people; otherwise, the chief beneficiary is the life insurance company.
9. Eat good meals. Greasy burgers take their toll.
10. If you don't like your job, QUIT. Otherwise, shut up.
11. If you get invited to a wedding, send a gift; otherwise, don't expect a crowd when your turn comes.
12. There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven.
13. Be nice to little people, you're still one of them.
14. No one sells a car because it runs too well.
15. Never chew red peppers during a job interview.
16. At some point in your life, your family will be all you have. Treat them right.
17. Decide now what you want in your tombstone: "He had a job that paid well but hated it" or "He enjoyed his work".
18. Never get married simply because you figure it is time to get married. Get married because you want to live with someone for the rest of your life, including days off and vacations.
19. EVERYONE IS LONELY AT TIMES. Learning how to deal with it is part of growing up.
20. Get a credit card. Salesclerks are suspicious of cash.
21. Nice people get roaches, too.
22. A $15 haircut hardly ever lasts as long as a $5 one.
23. DIRTY LAUNDRY NEVER GOES AWAY.
24. Two of the largest groups of people in the world are those who almost went to law school and those who are going to write a book someday.
25. IF YOU SCREW UP, ADMIT IT.
26. Hurry up and learn patience.
Young people, WE have been forewarned!
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
It is a painful course that you are about to take. The lessons come unannounced. But to aid you upon your entry into the Real World, a few of your predecessors have compiled sage advice. Heed the following words well, they will do you much good than all of those French adverbs:
In the real world,
1. Having a drink with the boys every night after work is a bad idea. Notice that the boss doesn't do it. That's why he's the BOSS and they're the BOYS.
2. Never play racquetball with an old guy who has played handball for 40 years. He will destroy you.
3. Buy an alarm clock that works.
4. They aren't kidding when they say "Wash whites separately."
5. Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess". Chances are she believes it.
6. Never date a man who still goes shopping with his mother.
7. HEAT INCLUDED does not mean HEAT GUARANTEED.
8. Life insurance is best for married people; otherwise, the chief beneficiary is the life insurance company.
9. Eat good meals. Greasy burgers take their toll.
10. If you don't like your job, QUIT. Otherwise, shut up.
11. If you get invited to a wedding, send a gift; otherwise, don't expect a crowd when your turn comes.
12. There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven.
13. Be nice to little people, you're still one of them.
14. No one sells a car because it runs too well.
15. Never chew red peppers during a job interview.
17. Decide now what you want in your tombstone: "He had a job that paid well but hated it" or "He enjoyed his work".
18. Never get married simply because you figure it is time to get married. Get married because you want to live with someone for the rest of your life, including days off and vacations.
19. EVERYONE IS LONELY AT TIMES. Learning how to deal with it is part of growing up.
20. Get a credit card. Salesclerks are suspicious of cash.
21. Nice people get roaches, too.
22. A $15 haircut hardly ever lasts as long as a $5 one.
23. DIRTY LAUNDRY NEVER GOES AWAY.
24. Two of the largest groups of people in the world are those who almost went to law school and those who are going to write a book someday.
25. IF YOU SCREW UP, ADMIT IT.
26. Hurry up and learn patience.
Young people, WE have been forewarned!
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